Self-proclaimed economics and capitalism guru, Friedricha Engelson, violently convulsed in her Econ 101 lecture after her professor triggered her with a cogent understanding of competition in microeconomic theory. Spilling vegan chai latte all over herself and her neighbors, Adamina reportedly woke up everyone in class. The professor noted that, “Friedricha’s distaste for competition is probably […]
Pope Francis issued an unexpected apostolic exhortation today titled Merdae Cumulus. The exhortation may be the most momentous action coming from the Seat of Peter in recorded history. Beginning with Church appointments and new canonizations; after the Holy See’s most recent debacle with the Sovereign Military Order of Malta, Pope Francis decided to remove Albrecht […]
As campus tour guides lead flocks of parents and their children up the steps of Angell Hall, they may speak of the various academic departments located within the building. They may mention how many classes they have had in the Angell-Mason Hall complex, but they will never acknowledge the overtly bigoted symbolism their tour groups […]
On March 25th, hundreds of people participated in the Ann Arbor Immigrants’ March, which sought to bring attention to a list of demands created by event organizers Brad Adam and Jessica Prozinski. The demands include removing Immigration and Customs Enforcement from “our communities,” defending “each other against ICE raids, arrests, and deportations,” organizing “sanctuary cities, […]
[Caption]: Absolutely stunning photographic renditions of proposed renovations and additions to the Michigan Union and LSA Building, respectively. Courtesy of the Blind Architects Association. On March 17th, 2017, the University released even more obnoxious architectural renditions of planned renovations and additions for two of the most iconic buildings on Central Campus — the Michigan Union […]
Say what you will, but your parents sent you off to college because they’re anxious to get you out of their house. They now have an “empty nest,” as parent-aged peoples call it, and you have free reign to do as you will. To account for what’s surely parental guilt, Bob and Deb probably gave ya an “emergency” credit card.
As you begin your classes at the University of Michigan this fall, you are likely to be bombarded with words like “privilege,” “identity,” and “oppression.” While these might seem innocuous enough — and the first time year hear them you might even pause to think about your privilege and identity — you will soon realize that these words mean that you (white, male, not poor, attractive, able to walk … whatever “identity” that you hold) are not welcome in this circle, that club, or that council.
They only tore up a couple ski resorts, put out a video of an orgy, and roofied girls’ drinks. Come on, Schlissel. Let’s not spoil the fun. Since Schlissel has taken office, nearly every house on campus has either been kicked off or suffered some sort of consequence. A total of 4 houses have been […]