We Need to Overthrow Capitalism

Self-proclaimed economics and capitalism guru, Friedricha Engelson, violently convulsed in her Econ 101 lecture after her professor triggered her with a cogent understanding of competition in microeconomic theory. Spilling vegan chai latte all over herself and her neighbors, Adamina reportedly woke up everyone in class. The professor noted that, “Friedricha’s distaste for competition is probably […]

Pope Francis Issues Unexpected Exhortation, Admits to Superiority of Protestant Movement

Pope Francis issued an unexpected apostolic exhortation today titled Merdae Cumulus. The exhortation may be the most momentous action coming from the Seat of Peter in recorded history. Beginning with Church appointments and new canonizations; after the Holy See’s most recent debacle with the Sovereign Military Order of Malta, Pope Francis decided to remove Albrecht […]

Signs of Bigotry Ignored in Angell Hall Architecture

As campus tour guides lead flocks of parents and their children up the steps of Angell Hall, they may speak of the various academic departments located within the building. They may mention how many classes they have had in the Angell-Mason Hall complex, but they will never acknowledge the overtly bigoted symbolism their tour groups […]

Don’t Break Federal Law Unless You’re a Righteous Progressive

On March 25th, hundreds of people participated in the Ann Arbor Immigrants’ March, which sought to bring attention to a list of demands created by event organizers Brad Adam and Jessica Prozinski. The demands include removing Immigration and Customs Enforcement from “our communities,” defending “each other against ICE raids, arrests, and deportations,” organizing “sanctuary cities, […]

President Schlissel Announces the “Glassificaiton” of U-M

[Caption]:  Absolutely stunning photographic renditions of proposed renovations and additions to the Michigan Union and LSA Building, respectively.  Courtesy of the Blind Architects Association. On March 17th, 2017, the University released even more obnoxious architectural renditions of planned renovations and additions for two of the most iconic buildings on Central Campus — the Michigan Union […]

Navigating Privilege Politics at U of M

As you begin your classes at the University of Michigan this fall, you are likely to be bombarded with words like “privilege,” “identity,” and “oppression.” While these might seem innocuous enough — and the first time year hear them you might even pause to think about your privilege and identity — you will soon realize that these words mean that you (white, male, not poor, attractive, able to walk … whatever “identity” that you hold) are not welcome in this circle, that club, or that council.