Stupidest on Campus, 2014 Edition

1) Four girls who vandalized Omar Mahmood’s Apartment door: They did this in front of a security camera—even changed into baggy hoodies and clothing in front of a security camera. How dumb can you get? They left eggs, hot dogs, and gum at his doorstep along with printed copies of Mahmood’s satirical piece, Do the Left Thing, that said “Shut the F@*& up you violent prick!” and “Do you even go here?! Leave!” There were also picture of Mahmood’s face with his eyes crossed out next to a picture of the Devil. These social justice warriors really showed him! Yet another example of the progressive campus culture’s lack of tolerance. Best of all: WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

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2) Peter Shahin: This schmuck oversaw the harassment and termination of a conservative Muslim student, Omar Mahmood, for his writing a satirical column in the Review mocking the Jacobin social justice movement that’s long poisoned our campus. This, of course, created a “hostile environment” at the Daily, who also employed Mr. Mahmood at the time. But that’s Peter and the Daily’s loss, because now Omar is our Executive Editor–with a chip on his shoulder and an interview with Greta Van Susteren to boot. In a weak defense of his pathetic actions, Peter wrote: “The way in which the author satirically mocked the experiences of fellow Daily contributors and minority communities on campus in his Review column violated our values and integrity as a publication. His actions created a conflict of interest regarding his employment with both the Daily and the Review.” In other words, Omar committed a thought-crime.

3) Susan Douglas: She “hates Republicans.” What she does well is propagate the tired trope of Republicans as old rich white men who are global warming deniers and misogynists. Douglas then complains about the polarization of politics before adding to that polarization by defending her use of the word “hate.” Of course, “history and psychological research” backs up her argument on what Republicans are so horrible. Yet the most laughable statement made was that researchers found “the two core dimensions of conservative thought are resistance to change and support for inequality.” She shrouds this claim in pseudo-science—describing these characteristics as socially intolerant. So, how can one argue against someone who believes science proves conservatism to be evil? You don’t bother to argue with them, because they are stupid. We will be more tolerant of Professor Douglas; we don’t hate her, we just think she’s boneheaded.

Runners-up

David Brandon: He started off great, and then shriveled away. He supported the rise in ticket prices for a crappy team and a record low of students showed up in 2014. Need I say more? He might be a family man, but he is not a leader. At least he stepped down.

Trevor Dolan: Although we cheated on this one, since he said it in January, it’s about what Douglas said in December. This sycophant defended Susan Douglas’ disgraceful comments. “I think that this article may cause division within Professor Douglas’ classes, but I don’t believe that it is an indication of a larger problem at the University of Michigan,” Dolan said. Going on to say “Consequently, I don’t believe it will have a significant impact on campus life for Republican students outside of their interactions with Professor Douglas.” Instead of distancing himself and the College Democrats from her comments, he did the Donkey two-step.

Dishonorable Mentions

BAMN: Crashed the Regents’ meeting in the name of social justice. Proceeded to make demands, vote on their own demands, and then pass them unanimously.

Michigan In Color: Hates white men.

Carly Manes: Abortionist. Also tried attacking Schlissel for his male privilege but was destroyed in an opposing column by Michael Proppe, former president of the CSG.

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