Snow Penis Reported as Bias-Incident

“I find it more than a little ridiculous that Housing officials are required to waste their time reporting trivial occurrences such as this phallic snow object.”

The University of Michigan continued to struggle with its official position on sexuality, snow and freedom of expression when a Hall Director reported a giant snow penis as a bias-incident. The confluence of these three much discussed topics was too much to go undocumented. The phallic creation in question appeared outside of the Bursley residence hall on North Campus following the snow storm that blanketed Ann Arbor earlier in the day.

Related: University of Michigan Student Kicked off Res Staff for Asking What BBW Means

Bias-incidents, according to the Student Life Website, are “incidents that make people feel targeted because of their social identity group membership.” Based on this definition, it is unclear if the bias incident report was generated because of the perceived white male privilege displayed by the pearly member rising up from the ground or because of inadequate sex representation as no efforts had been made to create a snow vagina. It is also possible that the white penis was targeted symbolically, as the university was unable to prevent Milo Yiannopoulos’ visit to the school the evening before.  Either way, the snowy creation was deemed something that needed to be taken “very seriously” by the university community.

It is also possible that the white penis was targeted symbolically, as the university was unable to prevent Milo Yiannopoulos’ visit to the school the evening before.

The offending snow phallus. Image provided by Michigan Review Staff
The offending snow phallus. Image provided by Michigan Review Staff

One member of Residential Staff, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Michigan Review, “I find it more than a little ridiculous that Housing officials are required to waste their time reporting trivial occurrences such as this phallic snow object.”

Generating the report, however, is only the beginning of the Hall Directors work, which will continue post-incident. According to Student Life, “after a bias incident occurs, staff focus on rebuilding trust in the community, restoring relationships, repairing harm, and fostering healthy communication.” Undoubtedly the Bursley community has been harmed by the snow penis and will be relying on staff support to rebuild relationships and trust long after the snow melts.

Students living in housing who feel targeted by other snow objects, whiteboard drawings or challenging ideas are encouraged to document these events as bias-incidents to help “maintain inclusive residential environments.” 

The Residential Staff member who spoke with the Michigan Review explained his concerns with housing policy that led to a pile of snow being reported: “In the real world, no one cares about stuff like this. It is the height of privilege and entitlement to be obsessively concerned with utterly inconsequential events such as this.”

Yet the “real world” will soon be in the hands of today’s college students. This potential future might jeopardize even the classic snowman in favor of a gender, sex and color neutral version.

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About Erin Dunne

Erin Dunne is a senior studying History, French and International Studies. In her free time she is a drug policy reform advocate and a free speech enthusiast. You can reach her by email at eedunne@umich.edu
  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

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    test

  • kenvandoren

    Unfortunately it seems HR has more than its share of SJW’s in my experience.

  • kenvandoren

    #1. You do not have the right to be un-offended.

    #2. There are many things in your life that will offend you. Personally, those who take offense to the slightest disagreement with someone else, I find HIGHLY offensive.

    #3. Get tough or die.

  • Ncrdbl1

    How do these now flakes get up in the morning with such paranoia.

  • Keith Cameron

    How may I micro/macro aggress you today?

  • Keith Cameron

    Would it be less traumatic if it was known if the ‘snow penis’ preferred of the company of another penis?

  • Douglas Self

    The hard-working taxpayers of Michigan, many whom never had the desire, or, if they did, the academic standing to attend this ‘fine’ institution of ‘higher learning’, should be outraged that the University that consumes their hard-earned dollars wastes effort and monies in this manner.

  • Douglas Self

    Would it be too much trouble to fire these feckless snowflakes and get some people with internal fortitude (i.e., self-equipped with a backbone) who are interested in doing a day’s work for a day’s pay?

  • Tatiana Covington

    That’s masculinist, since get off clearly codes for ejaculation. RACIST! (Wink.)

  • Tatiana Covington

    Someone should come down *hard on* these snowflakes. Tee hee.

  • Karl Kaiser

    Guess what? Your Democratic party is a fraudulent corporatist crony cabal. But go ahead and tear down the snow dick, as long as there’s nothing better to do.

  • Karl Kaiser

    We’re just going to have to have a flurry of snow tits. Problem solved.

  • Bob Parkman

    Of course, the truly disgusting works are reserved for the art students, for which they receive high praise and grants.

  • carthaginian

    This is absolutely WONDERFUL, an artful representation which is repeated in a myriad of ways. Cars, buildings and what not send such wonderful subliminal messages. This present era students need to see, to understand. Imagine the wonder of hearing a student running down a school corridor yelling, “beat yo meat!” Self pleasuring and fellatio are heavenly wonders. The maypole, the penis, is danced about this month. My only dismay is that I didn’t see huge, beautiful balls at the snow penis’ base. Damn beautiful. Beautiful. Drink deeply!

  • That snowman was obviously the result of a trigger alert.

  • PhysicsWon

    OMG it is WHITE! White penis privilege.

  • The Uhlan

    The world will never be in the hands of today’s kollege students. Two or three years of post-graduate paying bills, rent, insurance, etc, all without safe spaces or kitten videos and while being ignored will cure their fantasies.

  • Adam Lee Myers

    I am sorry, but this appears to be a casualty of Poe’s law, but then again, who knows?

  • Pinky Escada

    Quick, find me a safe-space. I just got a look at the snow phallus.

  • DJBudSonic

    As a UM graduate and former Bursley Resident Advisor I cannot begin to tell you how sad I am to see this state of affairs on campus. What happened to the marketplace of ideas, the intellectual challenge, and most importantly the freedom of speech? Madness. The idea that a system of reasonable student protections can be gamed to suggest that a “snow penis” is somehow a gender attack is bad enough, but this is supported by staff and faculty? Stop soliciting me for alumni donations, I will never give to UM as long as the PC Police are out in full force.

  • Bob

    It’s no longer a school. It’s an adult day care facility.

  • Grave,Regis

    Freud has been vindicated! Penis envy is in full display in acafemia!

  • Resist_Tyranny

    They have to “create” controversy in order to give their $hitty little lives meaning:) NO ONE can offend you unless you choose to be offended:)

  • halevi

    The Vagina Monologues play is done on campuses all over the country and that doesn’t seem to offend anybody. It is very a very childish and stupid play but it’s free speech. But if someone builds a snow penis, THATS offensive. These students should get a life.

  • Hayden

    Please be Poe’s law, please be Poe’s law 😛

  • Hayde Christiansson

    Sjw insanity, they went off the deep end years ago and keep going.

  • Mr Mackey

    I hope they took the offending penis in to the police station and are keeping it preserved as evidence in a meat locker.

  • Joe Schmoe

    Is this a school for the mentally disabled?

  • letters2mary

    One would hope so. And I cannot help but observe that it is not clear against whom bias has been shown. One may suppose that bias has been shown against the caucasian male, for if one deconstructs (once a favorite word among academics), the offending phallus, one can understand that its sole purpose is to make it clear that the genitals of white men, while cold as ice in their natural state, melt into nullity the moment they get hot.

  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

    Oh, and if the “Snow Phallus” was so_damn offensive to someone why didn’t they simply go out and push the freaking thing over and get rid of it instead of filing a batshite insane “bias” complaint and making the university waste money on it.

  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

    Imagine trying to run a company with a half dozen or so of these Progressive Warriors. HR would have to be huge

    Nah, the company would be bankrupt and out of business quite quickly. They’d simply not be able to get anything accomplished due to the special snowflakes and their constantly hurt fee fees.

  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

    The Residential Staff member who spoke with the Michigan Review explained his concerns with housing policy that led to a pile of snow being reported: “In the real world, no one cares about stuff like this. It is the height of privilege and entitlement to be obsessively concerned with utterly inconsequential events such as this.”

    Welcome to the batshite insane world of social justice and its affects on the university life!

    What next. A bias complaint over the fact the cafeteria serves mashed potatoes for supper and non-white students were severely traumatized over the white fluffy spuds because they represent the oppressive white patriarchy?

    Stop the world! I want to get off.

  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

    Bias-incidents, according to the Student Life Website, are “incidents that make people feel targeted because of their social identity group membership.”

    So someone’ identifies as a “large, white snow phallus” as part of their “social identity group membership” and so the snow phallus is a bias incident? Oh Lord, if that’s the case I simply don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

  • ⁂ GuestPoster ✔Gold Verified

    One member of Residential Staff, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Michigan Review, “I find it more than a little ridiculous that Housing officials are required to waste their time reporting trivial occurrences such as this phallic snow object.

    A “little ridiculous”? A “little ridiculous”?!???! It’s downright batshite insane if you ask me that a “snow phallus” is considered a bias incident.

  • Mike55_Mahoney

    If these snow angels could only have seen the shithouse walls in the auto factories in their state. I doubt they could have survived the experience.

  • Nate Whilk

    This is brilliant satire. It has to be. This CAN’T be for real. Only totally blithering idiots would make such huge issue over this.

  • Some Guy

    Just as every university needs a huge administrative staff with great administrative salaries. Or just as a government needs departments and tzars and councils. More government, be it in the grander sense of the country, or the administrative sense of a university, exists so people and the people who think like they do can make money without producing anything of substance.

  • BozoerRebbe

    Perhaps it was a lingam erected by Hindus. How culturally insensitive the university is. If campus feminists made a snow vagina, it would be celebrated. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lingam

  • Mastro63

    Welcome to the world of Micro Aggressions. This is what these kids are taught- they are merely acting on it.

    Imagine trying to run a company with a half dozen or so of these Progressive Warriors. HR would have to be huge.

  • #GreekNamesMatter

    Yassou!

  • matt10023

    What about moguls on ski slopes? Those look a whole lot like breasts. I’m outraged by this female privilege.

  • Bob

    “It is the height of privilege and entitlement to be obsessively concerned with utterly inconsequential events such as this.”

    Could not have said it any better.

  • gregpiper

    misspelling in here – last name is “Yiannopoulos”