Serpent's Tooth

In the aftermath of the Haiti earthquake, Hollywood has come out to
sing and act its heart out to raise money from sniveling, flyover
country, redneck, bitter clingers....er...average Americans. If
Hollywood really cared, James Cameron could give a day's worth of
ticket sales for "Avatar,” or give a week and raise the country out of
poverty. Haiti, brought to you by "Dances With Smurfs."

The good people of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas
traveled to St. Louis to protest outside a Lady GaGa concert. They
also made a parody video of "Pokerface.” Because nothing
says, "I'm straight" more than flying a few states to stand outside a
Lady Gaga concert holding rainbow-colored signs.

The same group also traveled to San Francisco to protest Twitter. San
Francisco. That would be like an anti-Catholic group going to Vatican
City to protest the zoo.

In Lady Gaga news, she will be opening the Grammy Awards in a
performance with Elton John. Good luck scheduling a haircut, facial,
wardrobe styling, mens choir practice, or women’s rugby game that day.

More than 1,000 people took part in the Marijuana Caregivers Cup Expo
in Ypsilanti on January 30th. At least, they think they did. All they
know is that they're out of Cheez-Its and there's new mileage on their
cars. Really, who can say what happened?

The final season of Lost will debut this week. Which will bring
bring much-needed closure to fans  who just want to know WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON. POLAR BEARS? THE OTHERS? TIME TRAVEL? IS THIS A SHOW OR A FREAKING ACID TRIP? CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THIS? ANYONE? SCREW THIS, I'M GOING BACK TO CSI.

Brandon Graham took home the MVP award at the Senior Bowl this
weekend, with two sacks and a forced fumble. It was a strong weekend
for MSU alumni as well, as they managed not to shoot  themselves or
anyone else.

In other college football news, Tim Tebow caught heat for appearing in
a pro-life-themed ad for the Super Bowl. Because nothing brings
families and football fans together like a healthy discussion of
abortion. Throw in race relations and the economy and you've got a
recipe for fun!

John Edwards' mistress blocked the release of an alleged sex tape
starring the former presidential candidate. Upon hearing this news, I
promptly vomited and blacked out for several hours.

The New York Times reported on Sunday on the growing use of products
such as Axe body spray by young men, allegedly to increase their
appeal to young women. Asked if these products were effective, one
researcher said, "Helllll no. Have you ever smelled that stuff? Its
like being molested by a cherry-covered pine tree. "

E! Entertainment reported that the cast of "Jersey Shore" agreed this
week to return for a second season. But allegedly, MTV had already
started sending out casting agents to look for replacements. No word
on if the guy at Ricks wearing a suit and talking to "Fist Pumping
Dude" was among them.

Be the first to comment on this article!

Add comment


I am not posting spam. I understand posting spam or other comments that are unrelated to this article will cause my comment to be flagged for deletion and possibly cause my IP address to be permanently banned from this server.

Enter the characters in the image above:

log out