Every year, our friends at The Michigan Daily publish a "Best of Ann Arbor" list. And, don't get us wrong--there are a lot of great things about Ann Arbor--but as all too many seniors know, there are just as many daily hassles and annoyances we're glad to be rid of by the time we graduate.
The Michigan Review thought to catalogue those annoyances. So here, we present the first annual (in what we hope to be a yearly tradition) "Worst of Ann Arbor" list. It reflects a sentiment among seniors, we believe, of piss and vinegar about some things mixed in with our sense of nostalgia. If you don't hate something about this school, you haven't been a student long enough.
The list is a mixture of staff opinion, general consensus, the funniest true stories we've heard, and the general snarky, smartassery you've come to expect from the Review. More than anything, though, we hope you agree, disagree, and discuss the list. Because, after all, a conversation needs to be had about just how much this place can suck sometimes. If you'd like to comment, though, please email the editorial board at mrev@umich.edu.
Worst Food and Drink
Sandwich: Jimmy John's
Happy Hour: Rush Street
Because nothing makes us 'happier' than drunk MBA students throwing around cash on overpriced martinis.
Bar: Touchdown's (Runner-up: Rick's)
Seriously, the "worst bar" category was one of the easiest to pick. Outside of maybe a few Dance Marathon fundraisers here or there, how many readers can say they've actually been to Touchdown's? And if you have been, can you in good conscience say you had a good time? Absolutely not. What a waste of a liquor license.
As for Rick's: sure, you might have taken home a good hook-up a few times, but you probably also took home a nasty case of Syphilis, as well. There's nothing that we hate more than a grimy, sweaty pit with shitty specials.
Coffee: Amer's
Drunk Food: Backroom Pizza
Really, it's worth your time to skip the line, and head over to In-N'-Out just a block away. The pizza may be a quarter more, but In-N'-Out knows how to make that quarter count.
Pizza: Villa Pizza
Burrito: Panchero's
It's difficult to imagine how Panchero's will survive with BTB Cantina perched above Charley's now. Good riddance; Panchero's is much worse, compared to BTB, Chipotle, Qdoba, Salsarita's, Rio Wraps...do we really need to keep going, here?
Grocery Store: White's Market (Runner-up: Village Corner)
Chinese Food: Magic Wok
Just bring down Panda Express from North Campus. It'll make insane cash.
Cafeteria: East Quad
Really, though: is there anything good about East Quad, besides the fact that it's NOT on North Campus?
Delivery Service: Domino's Pizza
So much for the thirty minute guarantee...
Worst Places
Campus Neighborhood: State and Packard (Runner-up: East of CCRB/The Hill)
Place to get U-M Gear: Moe's Sport Shop
Sure, you've thought about asking how much the three-foot Bo Schembechler bobblehead in the window costs. But how the hell are you going to fit in in your cubicle at work next year, anyway?
Bathrooms: Mason Hall (Runner-up: Dennison Hall)
Academic Building: Lorch Hall
See worst classroom.
Dorm: Bursley
You don't get to complain about your dorm unless you've spent a year on North Campus, freezing your ass off waiting half an hour for a bus on weekends. We're sure that walk back to Markley was tough, but the Hill dorms do not compare to the hinterlands that are North Campus and Bursley. (Which, to this year's seniors who had to live there: you got screwed. You probably don't know, but they completely redid the Blue Apple and a number of other amenities up North to upgrade it from "wretched hellhole" to "survivable.")
Place to Take a Date: Fleetwood Diner (Runner-up: Necto)
Mmmm, there's nothing like a delicious candlelit meal of hippie hash at 4 a.m. with your special someone. To truly make it a night to remember, consider hitting Necto first, and then finishing the night at Fleetwood.
Main Street Destination: Monkey Bar
Classroom: Lorch 140
Maybe the only thing more depressing than the study of economics is Lorch 140, where, conviently, most major economics classes are held. Fittingly, this dismal home to the dismal science meets all the criteria for worst classroom: completely closed off from the world around you, and crammed with hundreds of other brown-nosers looking for a high enough grade in Econ 101 or what have you, so they can make it into the B-school, Organizational Studies, or whatever other toolbag major they're chasing.
Study Spot: The UGLi
Seriously, though: how could a loud, crowded public place with a sore lack of computers be the worst place to concentrate on your studies? Laughing at the dumb greeks struggling over Math 105 just isn't conducive to getting work done. (To former EIC Nick Cheolas: we didn't mean to make light of your people's well-documented struggles with intelligent thought.)
Construction Site: University of Michigan Museum of Art
We knew this had to be the winner when, after complaining about this construction site in the office, some freshmen were SHOCKED to learn that once, a long time ago during a magical era, you could walk directly from the Diag to the Union, without having to take a giant detour.
Yes, we like art, too. But GOOD GOD, MAKE THIS STOP. WORST. CONSTRUCTION. EVER.
Businesses
Rental Company/Landlord: Your Own
Try to name a landlord you've had that you like in the next 15 seconds. Ready. Set. Go!
Clothing Store: Urban Outfitters
Bookstore: Shaman Drum
Liquor Store: Village Corner
Place to Use a Fake Real I.D.: The Brown Jug
A staff writer told us a story that we've heard echoed by several friends of the Review. So strict is the Jug's enforcement of their fake I.D. policy this year that they have even called the police on people proferring their actual I.D.'s.. Which is just as well to us seniors; that never stopped Peter Sims Levitt.
Campus
Campus Publication: The Michigan Daily
(From Editor-in-Chief Michael O'Brien: Sorry, guys, but the staff's choice trumps mine: The Michigan Independent, and Chill magazine.)
Fraternity: ADPhi Sorority: DPhiE Fashion Trend: "Stretch pants are NOT pants!"
Class: Econ 401 (Runner-up: Organic Chemistry)
On the staff survey, several freshmen listed Econ 101 as the worst course they have taken. Little do they know the horrors of upper-level microeconomics.
Professor: Gregory Markus (Political Science 300)
It's difficult to take such a hardcore douchebag like Greg Markus seriously, especially from a conservative's perspective. He claims his classes are unbiased and that, in fact, he is "conservative" on some issues. Nevermind his support for socialized medicine and all other kinds of big government. We're seriously shocked this guy still has a job.
U-M Administrator: Mary Sue Coleman
As much as we love when Mary Sue goes batshit in the middle of campus, it's probably not the most becoming for presidents of a major public university. We're still not over our grudge with Harvard for hiring Drew Faust over our beloved President Coleman.
Use of Student Funds: Michigan Student Assembly (Runner-up: Sex Workers' Art Show)
Actually, these two might be the same event.
Student Organization: Michigan Student Assembly (Runner-up: BAMN)
Campus Event: The Homecoming Parade
Sport: Basketball
Party Theme: Any stereotype, particularly "ghetto"
Major: Women's Studies
This is not what we thought it was.
Campus Tradition: Convocation
The Michigan Review secretly loves convocation. Last year when we were passing out our orientation issue on the steps of Crisler Arena before orientation, the University called the Department of Public Safety on us, threatening to arrest us for obstructing public walkways. Bring it, motherfuckers.
Miscellaneous
Place to Urinate in Public: Mary Sue Coleman's front porch
Note: it is NOT okay to urinate on Asian students. We repeat: NOT OKAY.
Website to Read in Public: Facebook
Everyone rallied against the newsfeed when it began. Now many cannot leave their computers for fear they will miss the chance to make that witty "Salute Your Shorts" wall post when their friend joins that "Nickelodeon raised me" group.
Excuse for Cutting Class: "Working at the Daily"
So this feature pretty unabashedly mimics the Daily's annual "Best of Ann Arbor" list. Last year, their best excuse for cutting class was "Working at the Daily."
Oh hardy freaking har. Your lives are so busy and important. Quit your crying and get back to class, you lazy pieces of crap.
Overheard Conversation: "Ohhhh my gawwwwwd, I was soooo drunk this weekend."
First, you weren't. Second, you've already told us this every Sunday for the past three months.
Thing to Post on Facebook: "My major/life/job/significant other/etc. is so much more difficult than yours."
We get it: you have a lot to do. Exams, school, and extracurriculars are all difficult and time consuming.
But when the hell did you think that no one else at this school is going through the same thing? This is especially bad during exam season, when everyone starts whining on Facebook. Suck it up, and shut up.
Time for Your Roommate to Walk in: While masturbating
At least there's *some* dignity in being caught in bed with another person. When it's just you by yourself, well, there's no way to save face.
Run-in With the Police: Dorm Room MIPs
Thing to Do During Class: Raising your hand in the last five minutes (Runner-up: Playing solitaire--you have the whole internet at your disposal!)
There are few worse things than the kids who insist on making comments at the last minute, especially to make themselves look good? The Review proposes a new five-minute rule, where every student just understands that, except for emergencies, you must keep your hand down.
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