By now, you're probably sick of hearing the word "diversity" in every other sentence at U-M. But let's face it, even if many fit under the label of the "typical Michigan student," the University of Michigan, with 14 different schools and both Nobel Prize and Heisman trophy-winning alumni, is diverse. Here is the main gist of who you'll meet at the U:
Typical Michigan Student. The Typical Michigan Student is an upper-middle class white male economics major from the suburbs of metro-Detroit. He is probably the child of a higher-up employee of the auto industry and grew up cheering for the Red Wings. He can be spotted in a Northface jacket, typing away on his blackberry, and calling carbonated beverages "pop."
New Yorker. The New Yorker likes to hang out in Ann Arbor's "cawfee" shops and talk about how great New York is. He or she talks about how there is nothing to do in Michigan (or anywhere outside of New York City, for that matter) and yet makes up a substantial part of Michigan's out-of-state population.
Fresh-Off-the-Boat (FOB). The FOB is an international student, most typically from East Asia, who will seem nice and innocent until he or she becomes the curve-breaker that makes you fail Econ 401 or Orgo and kills your chances of getting into business or medical school. Their presence is most noticeable on North Campus and is often seen dining around the intersection of Washtenaw and South U.
Sorority Girl. The Sorority Girl has five types of items in her wardrobe: leggings, sweatpants with Greek letters or the word "PINK" on the butt, oversized t-shirts, a Northface jacket, and Uggs. She takes up class time by spending five minutes saying "Umm," "Like," and "Well…" before spouting out a semi-coherent sentence.
Math/Science Nerd. The Math/Science Nerd is a perpetually single male who is too often seen wearing the same t-shirt, displaying whatever academic department he proudly represents, perhaps with a nerdy joke on the back. Suffering from a massive superiority-inferiority complex, he looks down upon "lesser-nerds" (I believe the official hierarchy is math>compsci>physics? Don't ask how I know.) and constantly vocalizes demeaning attitudes towards humanities majors and other people who have something to do on Friday nights.
The B-School Student. The B-School student will constantly complain about how hard learning how to manage people and make money is. Once ranked the most arrogant alumni base, they will go on to found prestigious Wall Street firms and be a major contributing factor to a future economic crisis.
The Athlete. Michigan's had more than its share of NFL draft picks along with Olympic legend Michael Phelps, but most athletes are normal people with easier classes and access to better academic resources like the Ross Athletic Center.
Sports Fanatic. The Sports Fanatic is always found in a Maize-and-Blue t-shirt, except at games, where he is wearing the team jersey. When he's not found sing-yelling the Victors or spouting the c-ya hockey chant (aka the most offensive chant in college sports), he can be found refreshing mgoblog.com by the minute. After the massacre that was last year, it is Sports Fanatic has probably taken refuge in a happy place that ends in Capital One Bowl 2008.
The I-Only-Hang-Out-With-People-Of-My-Own-'Multi-Cultural'-Ethnic-Group Asian/Jewish/Indian/Black/Hispanic Kid. The IOHOWPOMOMCEG A/J/I/B/H K does one of more of the following: a.) Constantly speaks a different language, b.) Hangs out at Bubble Island or attends black homecoming, or c.) Needs to join all groups pertaining to their ethnic on campus, despite one or more of the following: a.) Knowing English as their first language, b.) Never having felt the need for congregating-by-race before college, or c.) Being a Natural-Born American who grew up in an environment similar to the Typical Michigan Student.
The Progressive Snob. The Progressive Snob can be found in a non-Starbucks coffee shop drinking fair trade coffee from his or her eco-friendly tumbler and typing on his or her eco-friendly aluminum Macbook. He or she only wears sweat shop-free t-shirts proclaiming a love for the earth and harmony and would be anti-American consumerism if Armani would only stop their "Armani Green" collection.
The Bleeding-Heart Liberal. Specializing in political-argument-by-slogan, the Bleeding-Heart Liberal carries around a messenger bag covered with buttons proclaiming "Make Love Not War" and "Tolerate Not Hate." Not as sophisticated as the Progressive Snob, when confronted with an opposing belief, the Bleeding-Heart Liberal will spout slogans till they realize they lack any originality beyond the general whims of Ann Arbor politics.
The Libertarian. There are two types of libertarians on campus. There is the Hash Bash Weed-Smoking Libertarian. And then there is the Hand-Out-Free-Gun and Fight-Bureaucracy Libertarian. Also see: "The Republican."
The Marxist/Socialist. The Marxist/Socialist is an over-educated rich kid who has accepted that one day the Proletariat will overthrow him from his privileged position. Till then, he is part of the modern-day Intelligentsia and the professor's pet who gets to spout Marxist and Socialist theory from the point of view of the lenses of his thick-framed "intellectual" glasses until class ends and you can finally get up and leave.
The Ardent Democrat. So almost everyone you'll meet here will be a Democrat. The Ardent Democrat, however, has a life-sized poster of President Obama hanging on the ceiling above his bed and has been chanting "O-Ba-Ma!" since the night of November 4, 2008.
The Token Republican. The Token Republican has the burden of nearly single-handedly creating a politically "balanced" and "diverse" environment at one of the most liberal universities in the United States. Often counted off on political science papers for supporting, capitalism, libertarianism, and/or conservatism.
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